Raw&Real...through my BLUE EYES

Dating SUCKS...I had to say it! I seriously haven't ever been much of the dater type and don't get asked all that often. I mean I date here and there, nothing too serious (except 1) but nothing has really had been sticking lately.  It was weird not being at school having many places to meet people, now in the professional world I am around most people that are already married, and most of the girls my age are as well.  So I tend to get set up on BLIND DATES like it is my job.  Dating isn't always fun, it can be awkward and so annoying.  I have had some amazing dates and some that well I would rather not talk about.  So I was doing what I've always done and of course I was getting the same results.  THEN I decided to shake things up a bit, maybe risk a little more then I bargained for... 

I was looking for a long term relationship, someone to build a future with, to go to the temple with, to experience all those wonderful things a married couple would.  

Many of  you may know or have heard about my time on The Mormon Bachelor, but what you don't know is what REALLY happened.  So from the beginning to end here is my opinion, my perspective, and everything in between...

A lot of people had their opinions on whether I should do this or not, most of the women in my life were all about it, but the men weren't so keen on the idea.  I had lots of boys say this is dumb, why are you doing this, you don't need to do this, blah blah blah, but my thought was all these boys can say these things to me but can't ask me out? Hmmmm now you know why I did it.

Breakin it down...

How did this all happen?

First, saw it online thought about it,  then moved on.  I did mention it to my sister.  I debated on whether I should do it for kicks and giggles and leave it to my sister to embrace this idea. She always said you have nothing to loose and he lives in Arizona, it is perfect, you guys could even date after the show ended if he picked you.  You won't be in a long distance relationship. She had a point and told me she had a good feeling about it all. Bottom line I was convinced.  (I mean who doesn't listen to their older sister? They are usually right) So she helped me with the application questions, helped script my video, and submitted it.  Without her I don't think I would have done this. After it was all done I was like well that was a interesting experience and thought that was the end of it.  Gosh was I freakin wrong.  Next thing I knew my co-workers were all excited and involved looking at the blog telling me who they thought was going to get pick and alllllllll that. I honestly blew it off, had the 'whatever' attitude.

NEXT- When did I find out?

I got a phone call while at work and it was the producer saying you're coming to LA to take the bachelor out.  Ok hello, that just got real.  So it sounded like fun, my dating life at the time was pretty boring aka not dating at all.  It made sense go see what he was like, and take a risk.  Why not? Once again I had nothing to loose.

Then there was DRAMA...

The original bachelor dropped out, he started dating someone and wanted to pursue her.  So, after being picked and then called about him dropping out I wasn't sure what was going to happen.  I thought well that's over moving on... I got yet another phone call, yep the producer which she explained to me what was going on and that someone else was going to step in, once they knew who it was I was able to decided if I wanted to continue or not.

Later they told us it was the Bachelor's best friend whom Skpye interviewed us and helped pick us for his friend.  At that point I was debating what exactly to do, and I took the opportunity to see if maybe he was the right one for me.

First Date

I drove to LA for our first date which I planned.

WATCH

I had a good time, it was somewhat awkward with camera's and all that jazz but he was a nice guy, still hesitant if I really liked him, so left LA unsure but anxious to see what the future would hold.

We continued to chat, well really just text.  He would text me a lot but I would text him too. I always told him to pay attention to other girls too but who listens to me? (I could tell he liked my even from before his friend dropped out, he would Skype chat with me after our interview, trying to flirt. I thought it was pretty funny.)

Second Date

Was I surprised I was asked out for a second, let me be honest, not really.  We were texting a lot and felt like it was something we both wanted to see where it could potentially go.

WATCH

But after our second date, off camera we met up to really talk, and see how things were without the camera.  We had a lot of fun on the Santa Monica Pier just goofing around, and yes of course we kissed.  I have to kiss people I date, we all do to see if it really is there.  It was a cute first kiss. (I will leave it at that.)

We continued to talk, now more with texts, calls, and skype sessions.  We enjoyed being able to talk to each other as much as we could.  The third date was obvious as he openly told me he wanted to pursue me, and at this pointed I agreed with him.  I wanted that too.

BEFORE our Third Date...

He came to Arizona to visit me and meet my family.  I was and we both were taking this seriously. I was putting effort into this and so was he.  I truly felt for the first time in a long time I let my guard down and really wanted this to work out. We really wanted to see if this is what we wanted or not, if we could be around each other, if we liked each other more and if that could grow into a lasting relationship.

I picked him up from the airport and was excited to see him... We had a fun weekend planned and couldn't wait to spend time with him.  But while he was here something wasn't matching up for me.  I still can't put my finger on it.  He is a great guy, motivated, temple worthy, goal orientated, wants a family, loves kids, all these things that are on my list but something was missing.  It really tore me up inside, I felt like wow I have a guy that is so nice, treats me well and has great qualities for the first time in a long time but I didn't like him the way I thought I should to pursue a relationship.

This is when I had to really get down on my knees and ask the Lord to guide me in my decision.  I consulted my family of course and gathered other opinions but no matter what anyone said I knew what I had to do.

We continued to talk and he could feel my distance, he knew something was different but was so patient with me.  I almost didn't like how nice he was to me because I wasn't used to it.  Before our third date I told him lets talk after the game.  I have something to tell you. Such a dumb thing for me to do but I was dying inside.

He had no idea what I was going to say I didn't know how to say it.

It killed me, I felt terrible but had to do what I knew was right in my heart.

Third Date

After that date I told him how I felt, he was sad but respected my decision. 

FINALE PART I

FINALE PART II

There were times when I really wanted to be with Chris and date him.  We talked future, we tried to figure out how to make this all work, but BOTTOM LINE I had to go with my gut and didn't want to force anything.  I prayed for things to be different I wanted it so badly to work but the pieces weren't matching up.

It was hard for me I am not a girl that usually hurts boys hearts and those weren't my intentions either.  IT SUCKED.  I was sad, disappointed, and just beyond irritated.  FINALLY a nice guy wants to pursue me and I don't like him that way I expected... WHAT THE HECK!  I had a hard him letting go, but had to do what was right for me.

So to all of those that think why did I do this? Obviously did it for a chance to date someone that was looking for the same thing... Marriage or the potential of that. I wanted a relationship did I get that? NO! Did I hurt someone I came to care about? Yes! Was this the way I wanted it all to unfold? NO! So, it wasn't ideal but I learned that now more than ever life is never the way you planned it.

 I always say everything happens for a reason, and of course I don't know what that reason may be yet or ever for that matter.  But what I do know is that I learned so much about myself, things I need to improve on, things that are important to me, (like dating someone that lives near me) that there are good guys out there, how to open up more, and the list could go on.

I had an AMAZING experience on The Mormon Bachelor and wouldn't trade it for the world. I am thankful to my sister for all her help.  I am thankful to all the love and support throughout this entire process, and yes to all my HATERS I love you too.
Through this I got to know and meet people I would normally never be in contact with.  I got to developed many friendships and one in particular that I feel extremely blessed about.  I am traveling to see this girl get MARRIED this weekend. I truly look up to you Miss Erin Elton. I can't wait to help Erin and Seth celebrate their wedding day!

This experience is now over and I have begun to move forward with my decision and am back in action in the dating world that is.

So, boys....... Call Me, Maybe ;)

XOXO

New Beginnings

I am closings doors, ending an era, and starting a new chapter... to every end there is a new beginning.  A lot has changed in a few short weeks, it has been somewhat overwhelming.  So here is the good, better, and BEST

THE GOOD

Last month I was able to go to Las Vegas with the Crocketts.  How this happened... well Mike is my dentist and Kristie has been doing my hair since I moved to AZ.  I have watch their kids since they were born so over the years we have become close. Mike had a dental convention there in Vegas so Kristie and the kids Hadley and Cohen wanted to go with because they would be flying to Utah for a big family vacation after that.  Mike and Kristie asked me if I was willing to go to help with the kids, and who would say no to that?  So we flew to Vegas and stayed at the Wynn for 3 nights and 2 days.  I even got my own room. During those days I just hung out with Kristie and the kids, we went swimming, shopping, sight seeing and all the things you could do with two 3-year-olds on the strip.  I seriously had a blast but the looks Kristie and I got for having kids with us were CLASSIC!  I honestly love the Crockett's! They have a special place in my heart and have truly become family.  Hadley and Cohen are the cutest kids ever and really adore them and don't mind giving up a few Friday nights to hang out with them.  Kristie and Mike are great examples to me, they love each other, have a great relationship and active members of the church.  I look up to them probably more then they know.

Here are a few pics

My king size bed.

My favorite twins!

The Garden.

Hadley told me the fishy are swimming

View from my room.

THE BETTER

I had the opportunity to go from Vegas to Utah for a few days.  I just love my home state! Utah summers are unbeatable and so thankful I got to spend a few days up there.  I flew in Saturday morning and Kasey picked me up.  That night I went to the Salt Lake Real game, it was my first Major League Soccer game.  The crowd is something else there.  I had such a blast despite the fact that I don't know anything about soccer. 

Sunday and Monday I got to spend time with a lot of my family and more quality time with Kasey. I love being able to see my family and close friends, it is always hard when I go to Utah because there are so many people I want to see and never enough time (especially when I don't have a car). 

 Kasey and I got to hang out the most we have since she moved in January.   I have missed her so much. We got our 44oz drinks, danced in the car, made her eat candy with me, we shared the same bed, cried, and of course LAUGHED a ton. She has been an amazing friend and example to me.  We have been through so much together and so thankful to have her in my life.

The highlight was that a bunch of my family and close friends went out to dinner to one of our families favorite places called La Frontera.  We have been eating there since I can remember.  It has always been our "go to" place.  My family has always ordered their smothered burritos but for me I keep it simple and always have... Bean and cheese burrito with rice and beans on the side.  I have never ordered anything else! Call me weird but I love it.

THE BEST

A few things happened while I was away... 2 of my close co-workers had closed their chapters here at work.  It caught me off guard.  I have grown to care about the women that I work with so dearly it made me really sad but know it was bound to happen eventually, just not this soon.

This past year for me has been pretty hard to be honest... the question has been "What's next".  That question hung over my head heavily this year.  I was done with school and now working but really what was next for me.  Many ideas were going through my head. I NEEDED a new job, I didn't like what I was doing and it was just that a job not a career.  So the questions were... Do I move out of state? Do I go back to school? Do I serve a mission? Do I start my own business? I have worked really hard this past year to get myself where I need to be spiritually, mentally, and physically so I can make the right decisions for myself.  I have always felt like I have been a bad decision maker, but really just stubborn and prideful because how do you know what is right? How will I ever know what my next move is?  I had a hard time trusting myself is what it came down to.  So, I have been reading the book "Hearing the Voice of the Lord" by Gerald Lund and it has helped me so much lately.  It talks all about personal revelation and how it fits into our everyday life.  It has amazed me reading stories and relating to them and how much the Lord is a part of my daily life and how sometimes we are just so slow to realize it.  As I have really been praying and thinking about the lingering questions, I feel like I have received my answer this last week in the best possible way. 

I am so excited to start MY CAREER with AZ Foothills Mag.   

It has been quite the process getting to this point, but so thankful for it.  I really had to find joy in the journey. A scripture that has really been in the forefront of my mind during this time has been 

Doctrine and Covenants 111:11 "Therefore, be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin; and I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them. Amen.  

I know this job will not be easy, I may lack a social life or make more sacrifices then I know already but I am ready to pour my heart and soul into it.  I am so excited to have this opportunity and really feel overwhelming blessed.  I will be keeping you all posted on my adventures.  The first event is well TONIGHT so wish me luck!

XOXO